Will you blow on my dice?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
