Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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