Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
