Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
