If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
