im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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