i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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