Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
