It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
