Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
