i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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