I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
