The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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