I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
