So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
