1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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