We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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