I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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