He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
