I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
