My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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