if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
