I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
