Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
