Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
