If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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