I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
