my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am spending my child support on dildos
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
