Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
