I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
