If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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