dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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