Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
