Midget sex pt 2 tonight
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
