Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
