DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
