my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
