I just threw up on my dentist
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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