Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
