Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
