The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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