I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
