after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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