I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Randomize
