I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
