my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
