I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
