he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
