What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
