i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
