Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
