I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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