i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
