it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
