Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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