Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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