He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
