i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
