I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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