Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
