Don't make out with my wife yet
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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