This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
