some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
this is an emotional support booty call
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
