We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
