i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
