they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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