He disabled his match.com account in front of me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
