She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
